Wednesday, May 23, 2007
With every mistake we must surely be learning.. still, my guitar gently weeps
Overdue updates as usual:
Just got back from a short trip to Hong Kong with Reina :) And I've gotten the place which I have long coveted in the American University of Paris. But lo and behold, who would have thought (riiight), now that I've gotten it and the excitement has worn off, reality's setting in. A few things have been plaguing me ever since I received news of my acceptance -
1) a hefty SGD$70,000 sum to pay per year for a total of 3 years is really too costly a burden for my family to handle. Even though that includes tuition, housing, living, transport and more or less everything I would have to spend to live in Paris.
2) Daily life in Paris isn't actually as exciting and appealing as many would have it seem. Sure travelling in Paris is awesome, but I know living there would probably be very very different. The pace of life is really slow for one, shops close by 5pm everyday and almost nothing's open on Sunday. That means, no more supper! Or 7-11's. Or spontaneous midnight cook-outs. Haha okay, now that sounds really random but believe me, it's the small things like these that you'll miss when you're there. It's also really really expensive as most people already know. So that cuts out alot of creature comforts and leisurely habits. Main reason why I'm still keen on studying there is because only by living there will I get to learn the language fully and quickly.
3) Do I really want to leave everything and everyone behind in two months time? To make a completely new life for myself in a foreign country right now? No. Not really. Sadly, the times when I am ready, I never had the chance. And now that I'm not, opportunity sorely presents itself.
4) I probably would have to transfer out to a cheaper university partway again, (my dad wants me to head to Shanghai or Beijing because it'd be useful to have contacts in Europe and China), but damn... at this rate, I won't be graduating any time soon. Not that postphoning the date at which I'll be due for working life is such a bad thing though. Alas if there's nothing else more, the least I could say is that I've studied in three different countries in the span of my degree:x
Although I have countless more doubts about the huge move to Paris, I do know that staying in Sg will not be any better for me. I definitely can't study in NUS anymore, and no other university over here has the course that I'm looking for. So let's see what one semester of Paris brings before more re-evaluation of my life, I guess. I'm sure things will work out somehow, it's just a matter of time and muddling in between crossroads for now. So while most of my peers who know what they want to do move on to the next phase of corporate jobs and lifestyles, I'll be yet another lost sheep of my generation, making stupid mistakes along the way and trying to find the right path that makes it all worthwhile in the end. Chalking it all up to experience's sake seems to make up alot of what I've been doing these days in the cases of folly. But just how much will it take before I get it right?
Hopefully I won't be wrong about this because it's just too high a price to pay this time :/
Shu at 11:22 PM
