Wednesday, October 29, 2003
You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.
"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."
Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.
As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Shu at 8:25 PM
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Yep, my friend mentioned today that some teachers actually do go blog-surfing which is why they know all these details about us sometimes. I find it vaguely intrusive and rude. What ever happened to privacy? The sort that comes with using an online journal? Doesn't anyone else find it somewhat wrong to see teachers sifting through the private lives of their students without their knowledge? It's at least basic courtesy to let someone know if you're reading their journals, you know. Discounting the fact that you might not think what they write is particularly private and all. The things people do sometimes...I really hope that people guilty of this experience some form of shame, at the very least.
Shu at 10:30 PM
Sunday, October 26, 2003
It's strange that you don't realise you're choking, or drowning, until you try to breathe..
Shu at 9:47 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Ooh, finally got some music going on this blog. Turn up yer speakers, kids!
Shu at 11:58 PM
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all;
What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?
No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;
All mine was thine before thou hadst this more.
Then if for my love thou my love receivest,
I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;
But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceivest
By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.
I do forgive thy robbery, gentle thief,
Although thou steal thee all my poverty;
And yet, love knows, it is a greater grief
To bear love's wrong than hate's known injury.
Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes.
I cannot believe I actually memorised this entire poem before. But it does sound so..nice, don't you think.
Shu at 10:21 PM
Mad Monks was greatt. It got off to quite a slow start but as time progressed things got wayy better. Had loads of fun, although I was kinda zoned out. Heh I wasn't drunk, mind you, I was perfectly sober. Just couldn't move properly at times, is all. And to Sanjeev and his dear, chummy friends: I know Clarke Quay isn't in New York man, so trying to bluff me thinking that I'm drunk when I'm not, obviously doesn't work! There's no such thing as Rotterdam either, argh. Haha. Sigh. Anyway, kept being passed round from person to person to be 'taken care' of. Not that I couldn't take care of myself, everyone was just being extra paranoid. Heh. But the whole party took my mind off a great many things, I guess. So, it was good.
Shu at 1:01 AM
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Oversensitivity; hyperawareness; instinctiveness - these attributes have always been inherently rooted in me, yet it's hard to pinpoint the exact time when I actually realized how deeply these qualities ran. Events over the years have led me to find that my instincts about people or situations usually prove to be true. Yes, it might sound ludicrous to people who don't know me well, hell, I found it foolish myself, but I've come to trust them for better or worst.
These..'feelings' that I get about people are hard to describe, I can't define them, not because they're transient but because they're just too 'intrinsic' (for the lack of a better word) to me. How does one describe something that is inborn? It's a bit like asking someone to describe what feelings are and how they were developed, exactly. The difficulty in doing so is due to the fact that they aren't substance, but essence. One can't just set down boundaries and lines and expect everything else to fall into their respective places when it comes to something as obscure as feelings.
It's weird how sometimes I get feelings about other people, their motives and all, and they're uncannily right whether I choose to acknowledge them or not. These vestigial feelings that I get seem so absurd to me at times, but experience has shown that sometimes, the most absurd thing of all is the only one that proves true. I have brushed them aside and mocked my own 'intuition' because every now and then, these instincts lead me to doubt those close to me, those whose loyalties I would never think to question. And time and time again, I have experienced loss and betrayal through my own ignorance. Trust is something that I do not give nor take easily. I'd rather not trust indsicriminately, than cultivate a misplaced sense of trust in others. People sometimes ask me why I'm so paranoid, well, it's because I don't want any unecessary pain. Simple as that. As for those that have caused me pain, I may forgive but I never forget. Forgiveness helps one move on, but forgetfulness only leaves one liable to making the same mistakes again.
Occasionally, some people, even friends, get a bit freaked by my intuition which is why I don't usually voice it out. They see it as an invasion of privacy, although they don't understand that I don't get these feelings by prying into their lives or anything of that sort, they just come to me. They don't believe me at first, it's only after I verbalize the motives behind their actions or even tell them that I know who they're interested in (if they are interested in someone in the first place, of course), that they believe. But sometimes, they get scared because no one likes it when someone knows things that they feel shouldn't be apparent at all - I understand that. I wouldn't like it either if I were them. When I was young, I tended to vocalize whichever random feeling I was experiencing about people or things at that time; I soon learnt that not everyone wanted to hear what I had to tell. Not everyone wanted to believe what I had to say. No one wants their private issues or dirty laundry aired out to dry. Which is why there are some things in life that are better left unsaid, especially when they aren't yours to tell. Some think that this 'well of instincts' that I have about others can be dipped into whenever I feel like it, and they ask me about my feelings on things that I have yet to see with my own eyes; like whether or not so-and-so likes someone and all. It doesn't work that way. I need to be in contact with the person first, to know and to observe him or her before drawing any conclusions.
And yes, once again, I know this whole thing might really come across as ridiculous and unbelievable. I don't even know why I'm typing this out as an entry - I might decide to delete it later as an afterthought. I think I just needed to sort my feelings out. Everything's sort of jumbled into a mess now and this seemed like the easiest way to clarify my thoughts.
But I do know one thing.
I'm sick of knowing things.
Shu at 1:14 PM
Thursday, October 09, 2003
"When sinks my heart in hopeless gloom,
And life can show no joy for me;
And I behold a yawning tomb,
Where bowers and palaces should be;
In vain you talk of morbid dreams;
In vain you gaily smiling say,
That what to me so dreary seems,
The healthy mind deems bright and gay.
I too have smiled, and thought like you,
But madly smiled, and falsely deemed:
Truth led me to the present view,--
I'm waking now--'twas then I dreamed.
I lately saw a sunset sky,
And stood enraptured to behold
Its varied hues of glorious dye:
First, fleecy clouds of shining gold;
These blushing took a rosy hue;
Beneath them shone a flood of green;
Nor less divine, the glorious blue
That smiled above them and between.
I cannot name each lovely shade;
I cannot say how bright they shone;
But one by one, I saw them fade;
And what remained when they were gone?
Dull clouds remained, of sombre hue,
And when their borrowed charm was o'er,
The azure sky had faded too,
That smiled so softly bright before.
So, gilded by the glow of youth,
Our varied life looks fair and gay;
And so remains the naked truth,
When that false light is past away.
Why blame ye, then, my keener sight,
That clearly sees a world of woes
Through all the haze of golden light
That flattering Falsehood round it throws?
When the young mother smiles above
The first-born darling of her heart,
Her bosom glows with earnest love,
While tears of silent transport start.
Fond dreamer! little does she know
The anxious toil, the suffering,
The blasted hopes, the burning woe,
The object of her joy will bring.
Her blinded eyes behold not now
What, soon or late, must be his doom;
The anguish that will cloud his brow,
The bed of death, the dreary tomb.
As little know the youthful pair,
In mutual love supremely blest,
What weariness, and cold despair,
Ere long, will seize the aching breast.
And even should Love and Faith remain,
(The greatest blessings life can show,)
Amid adversity and pain,
To shine throughout with cheering glow;
They do not see how cruel Death
Comes on, their loving hearts to part:
One feels not now the gasping breath,
The rending of the earth-bound heart,--
The soul's and body's agony,
Ere she may sink to her repose.
The sad survivor cannot see
The grave above his darling close;
Nor how, despairing and alone,
He then must wear his life away;
And linger, feebly toiling on,
And fainting, sink into decay."
I've always found this poem poignant. It's melancholic but behind that melancholia is a shred of reality - the darker side of it. Anyone who finds it moving, in a way, is definitely someone I would share an affinity with.
Shu at 8:55 PM
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
You're serious, responsible, industrious and hardworking. You probably matured early and may have even missed out on much of the joy of childhood. You tend to get along well with the elderly and more mature people. You can become a star by becoming more purposeful. Your discipline can make you a self made woman or man.
You can become a star by learning how to get more joy out of the sheer struggle of life. Become consciously aware of the rules that you have made for yourself and others. Become aware of how you have internalized voices that judge you for your success and failure.
Your emotional life is intense, willful and desirous. Your gut feelings motivate you more deeply than anybody knows. Develop the courage to fathom the complex passions that lie in your subconscious.
You're often aware of people's secret motives. You wield power and sensitivity. Keep abreast of developments in the field of psychology, you're a natural.
TIP: Your own condemnation can hold you back. You can free yourself through forgiveness.
Probably your mother knew how to yank your chain and push your emotional buttons. She could employ subtle means of control. You are more than clever, you're shrewd and always hungry for more. Happiness may allude you until you learn to state your goals clearly and give yourself specific rewards. Savor your successes. Enjoy your plateaus.
You're strangely magnetic and alluring and are wise to mate with those who sense your moods and keep abreast of your intense desires, joys and ecstacies.
Hrm.
Shu at 6:54 PM
My god. It's finally over. Hahah. I feel goood. Tired but good. Bio and math will hopefully be enough to get me past the prospect of retaining. Kinda tired now, so I won't write much. Went out right after our last paper today with Ang, Rach and Ecoli. Heh, we hung out at coffee bean outside Borders for a while just stoning and talking, then met up with Nick at Lido. Ahh, I was wayy spaced out half the time. Sleep debt, you see. We went mad, man..haha, took loads of neoprints and Ecoli as usual kept admiring his great complexion in the neoprints. Tsk tsk, we know you look good, ya don't need to keep reminding us kiddo ;] Even the guys passing by us kept checking him out. Hahah. Anyway, real drained now. Gonna go Nick's house tomorrow and then karaoke after that, heh. I neeed to play some basketball man, it's been ages.
Shu at 5:44 PM
